To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always.
I had been watched The Hospital recently. Guan-shin is a anesthiologist in the film. Every time I saw her, it always reminded me of Kilo. In some degree, they look asame. But the most important are the expression and the interaction between she and Dr. Shu.
Does this remind her of me too?
I am in FM this week.
This morning, I met two Kilo's classmates at the station. They seemed not to know me, and I didn't tell them either. I don't know they were running PGY course or FM is their subjects, but they seemed just to do their works for the first day.
I felt a little sad when seeing them. I thought about Kilo. She is now doing her work in CCH, also for the first or second day. Does she adapt to the new environment? Do the staff there treat her well? Sigh… Think more of her makes me sadder and more depressed.
From now on, I formally become a clerk in VGHTPE. I have the staff card and the restaurant card, which means I can go to the staff restaurant for lunch and have 10% off in the Eslite Square.
In these days, in the classroom, I always fell asleep. Maybe it's because I had not got accustomed to the 8-hour-per-day classes. They made me so tired that yesterday I went to bed on 8 p.m. and got up on 6 a.m. this morning. I cannot image the future days. Will I get tired like a dog and lose my temper just like what I thought Kilo was two years ago?
Sigh… Some things need to be experienced before being realized.
07/09 UPDATE: I finally took the picture of my BB call. It is a little out-of-date to use a BB call in the hospital, because PHS may be a more convenient way to communicate. Well, according to this reason, it is worthier of taking a record of it, isn't it?
This Saturday, there is a Chinese Music concert in Sing-Tian-Gong. Originally, I'd like to attend and I posted a message asking if anybody would like to go together. But something happened. Please forgive me not to tell what it exactly was. I think I can't attend this concert. What a pity. But I think there will be another chance to watch a free concert. It's ok.
Hmm… Last night I did realize that's really a problem of sincerity, especially when there's a or some potential competitors.
I don't know what the true meaning behind that sentence is. Maybe it means, "Come on, that's your chance. Be more active." On the other hand, it can be, "Sigh, I don't want to reckon on you anymore. Give it up."
For the same thing, I really did less. So, I agree, that's really a problem of sincerity.
A few days ago, in one talk with rin1999, I said I don't understand why a man having a girlfriend still do something looks like unfaithful to another woman, such as getting close to her, touching her hands, shoulders, or any part of her body. I said I won't do that. But rin1999 said I did the same thing before. Because I tried to get close and talk to her without any intention to avoid any look-like-unfaithful situation.
Hmm… Did I? Maybe I have to examine myself more strictly. Or maybe, I'm just a guy with self-confessed single-mindedness in love?! However, this won't happen again in a short period… >_<
I think I may be conditioned. Every time I turned on the computer, I always checked the user list of Skype to see if someone was there. But is it the time this should happen? I don't know. I don't know exactly what I'm thinking and what the truth in my mind.
It may be a good thing, but on the other hand, it may get me into another vicious cycle that I know I should avoid. Hmm… What a contradiction!
The first time I heard this song was at the concert of Chubby. In fact, it didn't move me very much at that time. But after I suffered something recently, I do really think the lyrics are very beautiful. They fit with my mind. I also tried to play the guitar accompanying my singing, but I am not very well practiced so far. Maybe someday I can record it and put it on the podcast.
作詞 (lyrics)：陳灝 (Chen, Hao) 作曲 (Melody)：陳灝 (Chen, Hao)
我們的路已走得好遠 再也看不見藍藍的天
We've had walked together so far, but cannot see the blue sky anymore.
你愛笑的臉從來不改變 忘了我們相識的從前
Your smiling face has naver changed, but forget the past we got known each other.
或許我們已沒有明天 或許你飄泊一如從前
Maybe we have no tomorrow. Maybe you drift as before.
我愛哭的臉是否能改變 當誓言又滑過我耳邊
Can my crying face be changed? When the promises glide through my ears.
風吹痛我為你流著淚的眼 是否它知我的心已倦
The wind blows, hurts my tearing eyes for you. Does it know that my heart is tired?
風吹過我沉默的眼底 輕輕訴說我們終究要分離
The wind blows through my silent eye ground, telling that we've had to leave each other after all.
如此愛你卻又飛不到你的天 當所有感覺都已走遠
I love you so much, but I cannot fly into your sky. When all the feelings have gone far away.
而我還能留住這一季春天
Wish I still can hold the spring time.
The first two were drawn on the day before the ophthalmology exam. I was very fidgety at that time, so I tried to draw something to let me calm down. The first one is saying that I was overwhelmed by the deity of music. I tried very hard but still couldn't understand the absolute pitch. The second is saying that I felt very depressed about myself. I had many shortcomings, for instance, easily to be agitated, impatience with others who don't receive my suggestions, etc. I thought I am a anti-society person and not suitable for this world.
The day after drawing these two, a very important thing happened to me. It brought me into the darkness of life. I did really want to suicide at that time. That was a terrible period for me.
The last one was drawn a few days ago, when is Kilo's birthday. She is now struggling with the exam of physician license. I'd like her to just concentrate on it. I'd like to cheer her on. (In Chinese, to cheer someone on is pronounced the same as to fuel up. ^^a)
Hoo… Maybe I should also cheer myself on, shouldn't I?
This sone is writen by Haker (哈克), one of my guitar teacher. And it is also the song of the class of the high school. I like it very much. This time I came back home, I took out my guitar and tried to play some folk songs I remembered when I was in high school. They made me to remember many things that happened in high school. Maybe I am sad now that I can touch the meaning of the lyrics more deeply. But I really hope that my wishes will come true someday, really, really…
不管有沒有人 說累或不累
Regardless of someone saying he's tired or not,
等著流星的人啊 還是不想睡
The people waiting the shooting stars still don't wanna go to bed.
靜靜的深夜 享受涼風輕吹
In the peaceful night, enjoy the cool wind blowing.
疲倦一點 癡狂一點 夜又深一點
a little tired, a little crazy, the night is falling and falling.
不論有沒有人 相信或不相信
Regardless of someone believing or not,
等著流星的人啊 望著夜空守心願
The people waiting the shooting stars stare the sky and wait the wishes.
沉沉的黑夜 滿天星光點綴
In the darkening night, there are stars shining in the sky.
執著一點 堅持一點 攜手肩並肩
More persistence, more insistence, our hands hold shoulder to shoulder.
期待星光一點 劃破漫漫的長夜
Hope a star flashes and breaks up the endless night,
第一個願望就是盼願望能實現
The first wish is to expect it will come true.
期待星光一線 劃過夢想的畫面
Hope a star flashes and draws through the image of dream.
願望會像傳說一樣 一一會實現
The wishes will come true one by one, just as the legend says.
怕來不及許願 對你的感謝
Fear of unable making a wish in time and the thanks to you.
所以不敢眨眼 怕來不及訴說對你的思念
So we dare not to blink, and fear of unable pouring forth the missing to you.
期待星光一點 劃破漫漫的長夜
Hope a star flashes and breaks up the endless night,
第一個願望就是盼願望能實現
The first wish is to expect it will come true.
期待星光一線 劃過夢想的畫面
Hope a star flashes and draws through the image of dream.
願望會像傳說一樣 一一會實現
The wishes will come true one by one, just as the legend says.
