Its hard for me to recall that the day, March 29th, one year ago, I was trying to deny, to escape, to hold my tears. Something affecting me so much had just happened to me. I held my little bedquilt covering my face, trying to wipe and hide tears on my face, trying to concentrate on the co-notes which were the content of tomorrows exam. But I couldnt, really… Read more
I had finished the OPH clerk training this week. At the OPD and the operation room, I studied very hard. The nurse said she hadn't seen any clerk as earnest as me. Oneday, Dr. Lin asked if I'd like to become a ophthalmologist. I answered that may not be possible because I wasn't at the top. "The grade isn't the most important thing.", he said, "It's more important to marry a good wife."
Sigh, at this time, at this department, how couldn't I think about Kilo and feel sad when hearing this.
qq invited many of the club’s elder members to have a dinner. I didn't know Kilo will attend. I thought qq knows what I was thinking. But beyond our expectations, ocell invited her. (my guess) When she told me about that at the place we waited each other, I was stunned. After a while of thinking, I decided not to appear. I feared of meeting Kilo and spoiled the happiness of their meeting.
I left and after I bought my dinner, Kentu called and told me that Kilo left too. Even so, I still didn't go to meet them. My mind was messed up. I thought Kilo didn't have to go. Her leaving appears that she really don't understand me thoroughly. Did she think her sacrifice could make me relaxed and going back?
But maybe I really don't understand her thoroughly either. She might think my action as a sacrifice, and I also messed up her mind. That's the reason she left. But what should I do? How could I treat everything just as fine and not happened?! How could I watch them talking, laughing and enjoy the dinner?!
Maybe many people think my reaction is very immature, but that's me and my belief. Yes, we don't understand each other. And the situation may last, forever.
During the period of my separation with Kilo, I read many articles about love. There is a good sentence that affact me very much. It says,
"Between a separated couple, the only thing to maintain is DEMEANOR, not CONTACT."
Because the other side knows you very much, maybe knows the most in the world. What you like, the most private of you, etc. You can not become the original status forever. So, maintain only the demeanor, no contact.
Last Chinese Valentine’s Day, I designed a cover based on the picture above and ordered two EasyCards for Kilo and me as the Valentine’s gifts. I also used the picture as my laptop’s background image since then. Today, when I was using my laptop, my mom walked behind me and saw that image. She said that Kilo and I look very alike. My brother was nearby and he agreed with her.
Haha… does it mean that we are so-called “husband-and-wife faces” ?
2006.02.11 UPDATE: The pictures below are my background and the card cover.